Padd Solutions

I'm feeling a bit exhausted. Maybe a little too understimulated. And a tiny ounce of frustration. They're all negative descriptions, yet somehow, I feel kind of lifted. I feel like doing something and making something happen for myself.

I'm a bit exhausted maybe because of different reasons. The weather is first and foremost. Who likes this depressing weather anyway? I don't like the cold (err..freezing) season at all. It's way too cold and it takes me twice an effort getting up in the morning. This weather makes you not want to get up and definitely makes you feel lazy & tired. All this, brought to us by this ever-so unpredictable Toronto weather.
Maybe I'm working myself too hard? Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally [?] The past several months have been such a drag. There's a lot of things going on in and around me. Sometimes I just want to lay down and close my eyes and not have to think about anything--anything at all. I feel so frail sometimes cause I'm only 20 years old--and you have no idea how physically unfit I am. And no, I'm not very proud of that, but I'm admitting it.
I don't know, there could be a few more reasons. I'm too tired to think up one right now.

A little too understimulated. I don't feel bored, well most of the time anyway. Maybe I'm bored of thinking the same thoughts over and over again. Maybe? Or maybe I'm bored of doing the same things over and over again. Maybe? I'm thinking I need more motivation to get me through the upcoming days. That or inspiration. That or get me out of here and take me to a happy place, where it's not too cold or too hot. That, or I don't know. Any suggestions?

An ounce of frustration. If it was last year or the year before that, I'd be beating myself up for a test mark lower than an 80. But after spending two and a half years in university, I'd figured that all those A's you've gotten back in the day--you'll rarely see now. University life is just so tough. This is why a lot of students drop out on their second and third year. Some just can't take it anymore -- all the pressure, competitiveness, failing marks, midterm after midterm, etc. Luckily, I'm not one of those people. I'm gonna stick it out and graduate with my head up high. 'Life is unfair'. University life is tough. But, c'est la vie!

I guess I'm feeling all these because I have no balance in my life. School's taking up most of my time, and it's taking up the most space in my brain. NOT GOOD. It's not supposed to be like that. The counsellor I talk to help me realize this balance. That I need to spend equal time with family, friends, school, and other activities I love doing or organizations I'm committed to. It was just so hard for me to put my finger on things I enjoy. Maybe because I've been so caught up in this whirlwind of university life, that I didn't get a chance to foster my talents. I know in my heart I can do so many things, but I feel that I've wasted so much time. But I definitely know it's not too late. Because it's never too late. I'm gonna find my balance and keep my life on equilibrium.

On the positive side of life...
I've started my meditation sessions. I officially started on Monday; today will be my third day. So far, so good. I found the first time to be difficult. First of all, I'm doing this by myself. Also, I'm a beginner. I'm meditating for 10 min--and who would have known how hard it was to concentrate! Wow, our minds have to taught to focus on one thing for a long time. It's like I'm having ADD while meditating. Geez! Second time went well. It was better than the first, I must say, and it felt like 10 min was so short! I'm going to do one tonight before bed. I'm gonna do this everyday for a couple of months. Let's see how it can change me. I'm excited! :)