Hey folks! Here I am again, after 3 weeks of busyness, laziness, struggles and whatnot.
I don't know about you, but I only get the urge to write (or in this sense, type) on my blog when: (1) I have certain thoughts lingering in my mind for a long time that I can't get rid of, and so I write to get it off my mind; (2) when I suddenly come up with awesome ideas that I'm too afraid to forget; (3) if I've come upon an interesting website or article that I'd want to share with people; or (4) simply, if I just want to write.
It's therapeutic - well, for me anyway. I'm sure a lot of people who own journals or diaries do so to get their emotions down on paper, and simply to document the happenings in their life. No one wants to forget their happy times! For me, it's therapeutic and it really helps.
Posting on my blog, you wonder if I ever worry about spilling the beans about myself? Nah, not really. Everyone has secrets, but I'm not afraid and I have nothing to hide. May the truth be told. :) Plus, it's not like a lot of people read my blog. It's very personal & if you do read my blog, you might have a good idea of who I am.
Lately...and for the past several months, I have been struggling. It just seems like my life is a big jungle, and I'm the lost puppy. I've been trying to find my way out, but it's taking me way too long. After last summer, everything seemed to have been shaken up. I feel trapped in a snow globe, while a little girl is rapidly shaking it. Now is the aftermath, and I'm still feeling pretty dizzy. So far, for the past several months, my life has literally gone up and way down...like when you're on a really wild ride. And in reality, I feel nauseated.
I've been suffering from - cringe - anxiety - cringe -. For the longest time, I've been feeling the physical and psychological symptoms of stress and anxiety, and I guess I was - well - too busy to just stop and figure things out. People who are close to me know I've been complaining about not being able to breathe properly, suddenly having heart palpitations, constantly having cold (like, dead-cold) hands, sweating, and sometimes a nervous stomach. WHY was the big question I couldn't stop asking.
My mistake was that, I didn't take time to actually research these symptoms and find out what really is going on with me. I've realized this recently--when IT has gotten worse. I started researching (you can't imagine how the internet can really help you!) and I started to take little steps and asked around, booked an appointment with the doctor (which, really didn't quite help). After reading who-knows-how-many articles on anxiety-related websites, I felt first of all, scared...but mostly, I felt relieved because finally I know what's going on. I'm finally in on this.
At first, I didn't quite know what to do. Who should I go to to seek help? Should I wait it out a bit--maybe the feelings will subside. And by the way, in my research, I also found out that the anxiety is complicated by agoraphobia. As if anxiety isn't enough. I've actually developed agoraphobia! I'm anxious to the point that the only safe place for me to be in is my home. Being far from home, or far from people who make me feel safe, makes me feel vulnerable. It's ridiculous how many places I fear now that I would have never thought of being scared of before. Up to the nit-picky details of I must sit at the end of the row in lecture halls - just in case - I might need to escape. I didn't realize how much this thing has taken over me.
It didn't take me long though, to finally get help from a professional. You wanna know what really pushed me to the edge? What else, but another good ol' panic attack, which happened while I was sitting in class. At that point, I decided...you know what, this isn't really helping me. I can't take it anymore, so after class, I'm definitely heading down to the health centre. Then, I booked an appointment with a counselor, met with her the next day. This is the very first time for me to see a counselor (as you can see, I never really had something bother me that much, until now, for me to actually seek help). At our first meeting - I'm not gonna deny it - I teared up a bit...ok fine, maybe a little bit more but not to the point of bawling. I struggled a bit with explaining to her why I was there. I wasn't sure how everything's supposed to go. But, all I can say is that, I really wanted her to know the fact that I was having trouble breathing when instances like that happens. Heck, if you can't breathe, nothing else matters! I guess one of the problems was that, I was focusing too much on the actual symptom - of having shortness of breath - that it actually exacerbates it. Yikes! Now I know what not to do.
She recommended a workbook to me called "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund Bourne, Ph.D. I finally got around to buying it, well my dad did buy it for me two days ago, and I'm excited to start on my recovery! So far, I'm loving the tips Dr. Bourne has given. But I know that 100% of the effort should come from me. It takes a lot of courage, dedication, and discipline to fully recover from this, but I'm not worried because I have all three and simply because I WANT TO DO THIS. I want to make the anxiety go away forever.
I've never been so determined all my life. So this is how it feels like to have a clear goal ahead of me? I'm not lost anymore, and soon enough, I'm going to be free as a bird!
Oh, and if you are still reading this right now, you might be wondering why the blog title is called "Three Little Birds"? Well, you know the song by Bob Marley? Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'cause every little thing's gonna be alright..." I just thought it was appropriate for the post. And it cheers me up whenever I read it. :)
I don't know about you, but I only get the urge to write (or in this sense, type) on my blog when: (1) I have certain thoughts lingering in my mind for a long time that I can't get rid of, and so I write to get it off my mind; (2) when I suddenly come up with awesome ideas that I'm too afraid to forget; (3) if I've come upon an interesting website or article that I'd want to share with people; or (4) simply, if I just want to write.
It's therapeutic - well, for me anyway. I'm sure a lot of people who own journals or diaries do so to get their emotions down on paper, and simply to document the happenings in their life. No one wants to forget their happy times! For me, it's therapeutic and it really helps.
Posting on my blog, you wonder if I ever worry about spilling the beans about myself? Nah, not really. Everyone has secrets, but I'm not afraid and I have nothing to hide. May the truth be told. :) Plus, it's not like a lot of people read my blog. It's very personal & if you do read my blog, you might have a good idea of who I am.
------------------------------------
Lately...and for the past several months, I have been struggling. It just seems like my life is a big jungle, and I'm the lost puppy. I've been trying to find my way out, but it's taking me way too long. After last summer, everything seemed to have been shaken up. I feel trapped in a snow globe, while a little girl is rapidly shaking it. Now is the aftermath, and I'm still feeling pretty dizzy. So far, for the past several months, my life has literally gone up and way down...like when you're on a really wild ride. And in reality, I feel nauseated.
I've been suffering from - cringe - anxiety - cringe -. For the longest time, I've been feeling the physical and psychological symptoms of stress and anxiety, and I guess I was - well - too busy to just stop and figure things out. People who are close to me know I've been complaining about not being able to breathe properly, suddenly having heart palpitations, constantly having cold (like, dead-cold) hands, sweating, and sometimes a nervous stomach. WHY was the big question I couldn't stop asking.
My mistake was that, I didn't take time to actually research these symptoms and find out what really is going on with me. I've realized this recently--when IT has gotten worse. I started researching (you can't imagine how the internet can really help you!) and I started to take little steps and asked around, booked an appointment with the doctor (which, really didn't quite help). After reading who-knows-how-many articles on anxiety-related websites, I felt first of all, scared...but mostly, I felt relieved because finally I know what's going on. I'm finally in on this.
At first, I didn't quite know what to do. Who should I go to to seek help? Should I wait it out a bit--maybe the feelings will subside. And by the way, in my research, I also found out that the anxiety is complicated by agoraphobia. As if anxiety isn't enough. I've actually developed agoraphobia! I'm anxious to the point that the only safe place for me to be in is my home. Being far from home, or far from people who make me feel safe, makes me feel vulnerable. It's ridiculous how many places I fear now that I would have never thought of being scared of before. Up to the nit-picky details of I must sit at the end of the row in lecture halls - just in case - I might need to escape. I didn't realize how much this thing has taken over me.
It didn't take me long though, to finally get help from a professional. You wanna know what really pushed me to the edge? What else, but another good ol' panic attack, which happened while I was sitting in class. At that point, I decided...you know what, this isn't really helping me. I can't take it anymore, so after class, I'm definitely heading down to the health centre. Then, I booked an appointment with a counselor, met with her the next day. This is the very first time for me to see a counselor (as you can see, I never really had something bother me that much, until now, for me to actually seek help). At our first meeting - I'm not gonna deny it - I teared up a bit...ok fine, maybe a little bit more but not to the point of bawling. I struggled a bit with explaining to her why I was there. I wasn't sure how everything's supposed to go. But, all I can say is that, I really wanted her to know the fact that I was having trouble breathing when instances like that happens. Heck, if you can't breathe, nothing else matters! I guess one of the problems was that, I was focusing too much on the actual symptom - of having shortness of breath - that it actually exacerbates it. Yikes! Now I know what not to do.
She recommended a workbook to me called "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund Bourne, Ph.D. I finally got around to buying it, well my dad did buy it for me two days ago, and I'm excited to start on my recovery! So far, I'm loving the tips Dr. Bourne has given. But I know that 100% of the effort should come from me. It takes a lot of courage, dedication, and discipline to fully recover from this, but I'm not worried because I have all three and simply because I WANT TO DO THIS. I want to make the anxiety go away forever.
I've never been so determined all my life. So this is how it feels like to have a clear goal ahead of me? I'm not lost anymore, and soon enough, I'm going to be free as a bird!
Oh, and if you are still reading this right now, you might be wondering why the blog title is called "Three Little Birds"? Well, you know the song by Bob Marley? Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'cause every little thing's gonna be alright..." I just thought it was appropriate for the post. And it cheers me up whenever I read it. :)
Oh Diandra. I don't really know much about this, but it does help to takes things easy once in a while. Just start singing in the bathroom while showering and it'll all be fine...
...although I don't know why it specifically has to be singing in the shower. Hee.
Thanks for the add, by the way!